A Lot of a Mess

So, an update. My depressive spell is over; it lasted about a day, stretching from that Friday night to sometime in the evening the next day. I really needed to make a mental health day out of that Saturday, but a BBQ I'd been invited to got in the way. I was very obviously off at this event, as several of my friends asked if I was okay, but I deflected with the classic 'I'm just tired' move that seems to conveniently make everyone forget that depression exists. I definitely came out of my shell as that BBQ progressed, but I was more than happy when the time finally came to get the fuck out and go home. Hilariously, the host asked if I wanted to go out clubbing with his friends who I'd only just met, my polite response to which did not accurately convey how utterly torturous my anxiety would be and, if I was ever to put myself in a situation like that, it could be considered a form of self-harm. Despite being back to the more healthy mental state that I've com...

My depression is a bit of an interesting one because, in recent years, I've successfully tamed it and have been keeping it under control. I remember being 11 years-old in the times when it used to run riot, crying over the wikiHow page on how to make friends - a story I find hilarious but seems to depress everyone else I tell it to. But, every now and again, my depression manages to chew through the bars and take ahold of me again, sending me back into the past and making me feel like I've reverted to a weaker version of myself. Yesterday, I went to a party. I moved my shift at work around and everything so I could attend, so I was quite excited that I was putting in the effort not to sacrifice my social life for my shitty job. It was a good little gathering of people I knew and we played board games because we're that sort of group. I'm quite embarrassed to say what caused the night to go downhill for me because it involves a rather undesirable quality of mine, tha...